I served in a Christian campus ministry in the first ten years of my career. When we were dating, my husband, David, who is one of the volunteers in the ministry, once told me, "I like that you have a good heart who would go 'extra mile' for others (he was referring to Matt.5:41)." When we got married, he thought that I would go the 'extra mile' for him as well, but soon realized that I only applied this principle to 'others' and not to us. So, it changed from "Aww, Yoori takes extra miles" to "Oh no, there she goes again."
I lived a very busy life, pushing myself to go the extra mile for my ministry work. I dedicated most of my time to caring for others and focusing on my ministry work. Of course, there was joy in serving in the ministry, and I am grateful I could be part of it. However, because I considered my ministry work as the most important thing in my life, I did not pay attention and care for my life as a whole. As a consequence, I was not in a healthy place physically, spiritually and emotionally. Eventually, I experienced burnout.
I struggled to continue the work because I lacked joy and energy. I was drained. The most difficult realization for me was to accept that I had burnout. As I reflect on what happened, I confess that it is my pride that I thought I could continue serving the ministry without an honest reflection of myself before God. When I decided to leave the ministry because I needed time to recover, I started to have a negative self-image as a failure.
I was able to start my recovery as I was introduced to spiritual direction. Spiritual direction created space for me to slow down to reflect on my life as a whole while I pay attention to the loving presence of Christ with me. Through this journey of reflecting on my brokenness and desire to be healed, I was reassured that God loves me as who I am, not because of what I can achieve.
This journey taught me that in a journey of loving others unconditionally to share the love of Jesus, one must pay attention to God’s invitation for God’s restorative work in one’s life so that we can join God's restorative work in the world. By allowing God to work in and through us, we can actively participate in God's restorative work in the world. I firmly believe that those dedicated to serving others for God’s kingdom must intentionally create a space in their lives for God to bring about transformation and renewal.
Creating space for God's restorative work in our lives can seem like a counter-cultural act in a society that often prioritizes achievement and speed. Therefore, creating such a space in our lives should not be a solitary journey. Instead, we need the support of a community that recognizes and values this journey. Thus, member-care work is an essential part of a ministry which pays attention to individuals’ growing relationship with God and self. I believe this journey of paying attention and caring for oneself is not a self-centred act; it’s instead a journey toward knowing God’s deep love for them and learning how to love others. I hope that Christian organizations pay more active attention to providing member care to support individuals in this regard.